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What in life are you unsure of?

Posted on Jul 7th, 2009 by Breka : Pilgrim Breka
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for July 07, 2009:

What in life am I not unsure of? I think the only thing I am sure of, is that I am unsure of everything. Plan, yes, but 'the best laid schemes o' mice an' men Gang aft agley.' When I am in a good mood and in love with life, then this uncertainty of everything is one of my favorite things. When my mood is not so good and life and I have had a falling out, it is one of my least favorite things. 
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Tagged with: QaR, life, clarity, uncertainty

What keeps you from being present?

Posted on Jun 19th, 2009 by Breka : Pilgrim Breka
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for June 19, 2009:

Noise - internal, external, and any other type as well. I grew up in a large family - a large Italian on my mother's side family - and at one point I excelled at the art of carrying on multiple conversations at once. But then I moved away, and apparently that skill is not like riding a bike. I can't seem to hear myself around my family anymore. 

I love all of my family - from the nine year olds who set off my fight-or-flight response 24/7, to the oldest sister who's a teacher and about to move to another country, and all the others in between. 

But even though I love them, and even though I would love to be fully present with them, the rush and noise and activity make it difficult.  I would rather spend this summer at home enjoying my family, then looking forward to the day my internship ends and I can retreat to my silent apartment. How can you be present with your family, when you aren't present with yourself? And how can you be present in the midst of chaos? Anyone who figures it out, pass along the wisdom. 
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Tagged with: QaR, peace, calm, presence

What value is most important for you right now?

Posted on Jun 10th, 2009 by Breka : Pilgrim Breka
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for June 10, 2009:

It would probably be easier to answer this if I had values. Okay, so I do, I just don't always put them into words, because right now, things are changing, my values are shaping up to be different from what they were before. I am re-evaluating values. 

I guess that's what I value right now: the willingness to question and change, to remember that life is a journey, and even if it feels like I managed to wind up in the same place I was last year at this time...things have changed. 

And maybe I should place greater value on brevity and proper sentence structure. 


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Tagged with: QaR, values, life, integrity, self

In what areas of your life do you want to learn more?

Posted on Jun 5th, 2009 by Breka : Pilgrim Breka
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for June 05, 2009:

All of them. But I suppose the areas of writing and theater arts top the list. Then there are areas like self discovery, actually figuring out what my purpose in life is, knowing what community really is and means, how faith fits into my life - or doesn't. All those areas I spend hours of angst filled thought considering. 
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Tagged with: QaR, learning, life, education, exploration

What does your family want most?

Posted on Jun 1st, 2009 by Breka : Pilgrim Breka
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for June 01, 2009:

For a long time, what my family wanted most was to be complete. For three years we were in the process of finalizing an international adoption from Taiwan. A year ago, my 10 year old brother came home. And finally, after three years, my 9 year old sister came home last Saturday. Now there are nine of us. Now we can start life as a full family, instead of waiting, instead of webchats across the world in another language. What do we want now? Time to stand still, belonging, realization of unconditional love of a family.
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Tagged with: QaR, family, needs, wants, desires.

And why?

Posted on May 25th, 2009 by Breka : Pilgrim Breka
I'm not sure how I ended up here tonight - feeling the need for something new, I guess. New people and ideas, a reminder of a world that's larger then the one I find myself in. 
Apparently, I joined Gaia in 2007. Two years ago. Still don't know my way around, still only ever turn up here once an eon - wander around, think 'gee, I think I could like it here' and then lack the energy to actually stick around. Maybe I will this time. Maybe I won't. I keep a blog already, Sparrow Alone, and two seems like over kill. But there is a certain tone there, and certain readers, and some things I don't post.
Right now, I'm finding myself back in a spot I was less than a year ago. It's a spot I'd rather not be in, one I tried to escape but somehow failed. It's a physical location, a mental one, and a spiritual one. If there is any definition for depression, it should probably include wandering in circles. 
There must be something good about a circle, though. The roundness, the fullness, the lack of beginning or end. But I would rather life was a spiral, a migration symbol - the fullness of a circle but the freedom of a line.
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Tagged with: Life